In San Diego airport today, I found out just how satanic the fucks at US Airways are. With 5 boards in my bag, and a heavy belief in my swindling abilities in my mind, I was going in to battle attempting to overcome boardbag fee. Little did i know what was coming… When asked by the hell beast of an airline employee how many boards were in my bulging mess of a boardbag, I went with the standard 1 or 2 response. When asked EXACTLY how many boards were in there, I figured a good old “a few” with a smirk would do me justice. NOPE! Next thing I know, she is reaching her little devil hands into my bag, grasping each rail, and counting like a gambler totalling his winnings, until she came to the conclusion of 5.

In what could only be described as a female version of that guy Lumberg in office space, she tells me “Ohh, no. That’s gonna be $500.” What? What the fuck do you mean? I payed $120 for my ticket! When first approached with this situation, I figured I could find a way to get that one knocked down a bit. Wrong. Over the course of the next 10 minutes, I went from trying to sound like a sweet young man, to flirting on the line of not being allowed on the flight. My comments went from “Please, can we work something out. Im young, I don’t have money. I need 500 dollars a lot more then US Airways does” to “Come on mean Jean (her name was Jean), You gonna buy me dinner tonight or what cause you just robbed all my money?!” to “What the fuck happened to you that makes you want to ruin other people’s days?” She was not a fan of my language. I ended up paying the 500 dollars, feeling as violated as I’ve felt in a while. I was about ready to punch the wall, until I saw an Asian guy wearing a shirt that said FAMOUS in huge letters. This made me laugh, and calmed me down a bit. As it stands now, Im about to board another flight from Phoenix to New York. I am going to rub my hand all over my sweaty nuts and shake the pilot’s hand, just to show my disdain for all aspects of the airline. I hope none of you ever have to deal with Captain SackHand and his assembly of degenerates called US Airways employees. I’m heading to two different schools for halloween, then to PR, so at least I have that to look forward to. I plan on conducting myself disorderly all weekend. I’m going to steal beer from girls, and guys that are smaller then me, because US airways stole all my money!!

You might like these posts too:

1. A Shitty Day at the Beach
2. Uncle Buck’s photo shoot
3. PR with Mooseknuckle Buckley